I have been computerless since the summer, so I’ve been on a bit of a vacation. But now I have a new computer! Hope to be back to regular posts soon. Till then, happy holidays!

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”

~Carlos Castaneda

Oh my! I cannot believe how long it has been since the last post! Honestly, I haven’t been very bloggy lately and just felt like I didn’t have anything interesting to say. I’ve been sitting on that fence again (see the post “Fence Sitting is NOT an Olympic Sport”) and I just couldn’t bring myself to write about it…again.

However…for the last couple of days a crazy movie has been going around in my mind and it made me think about things. Have you ever seen the movie “What About Bob?”  It is a funny, quirky movie in which the main character has tons of issues and basically drives his psychiatrist crazy. The doctor wrote a book called, “Baby Steps” to encourage people to take one small step at a time when making changes in their lives. It’s a simplistic idea but when you get right down to it, it is priceless advice.

When things seem too big to accomplish and we feel overwhelmed by all we are facing, often just taking the tiniest of baby steps towards our goal is exactly what we need to do to gain some momentum. Even one step a day is enough to get things started. It gets us off that fence that is so comfortable.

An old friend from college posted on facebook that she had run over 12 miles today. This was a great accomplishment for her and it brings her one step closer to her goal of running in a marathon. Obviously, when she began she wasn’t running that distance. She started off small and increased the distance as she went along and she’ll continue as she grows closer to her goal.

When we are facing a long term goal, sometimes slow and steady wins the race. There is a time to sprint and a time to take things one step at a time. Even if that step is a baby step…

“A feeling of being overwhelmed is your indicator that you are denying yourself access to all manner of cooperation that could assist you if you were not disallowing them.

As you begin to feel freer regarding the expenditure of time and money, doors will open, people will come to assist you, refreshing and productive ideas will occur to you, and circumstances and events will unfold. As you change the way you feel, you access the Energy that creates worlds. It is there for your ready access at all times.”— Abraham

(Excerpted from the book “Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness” #238
Jerry and Esther Hicks

Long time, no post!!! I was reading emails and this was a perfect email for today. We always seem to receive the words we need just when we need them and this email was no exception.

When I am in a state of overwhelm with everything I have to get done, everything happening at work, and just life in general, I tend to go into shutdown mode. I am just like a computer that has received too many commands to fulfill at one time and I go into freeze mode. Everything stops. I get nothing done and the state of overwhelm only continues to paralyze me until something comes along that absolutely HAS to be done and can’t be avoided. Slowly I begin to come out of freeze mode long enough to get that one thing done, but often I return to the freezer to sit rather than allow myself to create new opportunities to get something else completed. Sometimes I am reminded of the boy in the movie “A Christmas Story” who, on a dare, sticks his tongue on a frozen metal pole and gets stuck. He is standing there screaming, “Thuck! Thuck! Thuck!” begging for someone to help him.

But the truth is, we are in a situation of our own creation. We pressed “enter” one too many times on the computer, or we did something we knew was not in our best interests and now we are “thuck.” When we focus on how overwhelmed we are, we only get more overwhelmed and nothing gets accomplished. It’s a logical result of getting more of what we focus on in our lives. When my students at school are frustrated and saying, “This is too hard, I can’t do this!” I remind them that their brain can only think one thing at a time and when they are thinking “I can’t” then their brain can’t think of all the ways that it CAN. I tell them that when they are letting their brain say “I can’t” then their brain is just going to sit there and do nothing instead of figuring out how to get things done one step at a time.

When we are stuck in a problem or in overwhelm, that is where we are focusing our energy and we only receive what we allow ourselves to focus on, which in this case, will be more frustration. However, if we relax and take our focus off how overwhelmed we feel at the moment and allow ourselves to focus on even one tiny thing that can be done, we are automatically shifting into a different frame of mind and we are allowing solutions to begin forming. Once our focus has shifted, everything else will begin to shift. Soon we begin to feel lighter and less burdened by the things we have to accomplish and we begin to see more opportunities to get things completed.

Try it the next time you feel overwhelmed or frustrated. Once you are done with your pity party (let’s face it, we all have them sometimes) take a deep breath, relax, and focus on one simple thing that can be done quickly and easily. Often that is just enough to bring us out of the world of “I can’t” and into the world of “I CAN!”  The ideas and tools we need are within reach just waiting to be allowed to be put into use. Try it and see…

“Follow your dreams, for as you dream, so shall you become. Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built…”

Thomas Edison

I was in a situation this past week where I found myself repeatedly saying “It’s my fault.” Of course, I felt terrible. Saying those words did not make me feel better. In fact, I felt unbelievably worse! One day while driving home, a realization came to me that said “fault is different from being responsible.” It was one of those light bulb moments for me.

I realized that the word “fault” has strong negative connotations with a foundation in blame and a victim mindset. It carries a huge amount of baggage with it. It implies that someone is right and someone else is wrong and there is very little truth or accuracy in “fault.” It is a dead end word which leaves us in bondage with no room for acceptance, growth, and change.

“Responsible” is a completely different word. Using the word ”responsible” does not carry the heavy baggage that comes with using the word “fault.” It implies that we have made a decision and we are acknowledging that choice. There’s no good/bad, right/wrong in taking responsibility for our choices. Responsibility simply states what is, just as it is. It brings us into freedom and leaves boundless opportunities for acceptance, growth, and change.

One thing I have learned from this experience is that our choice of words is important. They can lead us down the path of pain and frustration or into the light of growth and peace. Choose wisely. Words have incredible power.

I received an email from a friend the other day. It was one of those forwards with “ponderisms” that circulate endlessly around the internet. One of them caught my attention. At one time, I would have just given a small giggle and moved on, totally unaware of the deeper meaning behind it. But now I’m in a different place and I’m aware of things I had previously been oblivious to in my life. The statement was, “Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.”

We read that and initially think, duh! But there’s more than meets the eye with that statement. Often, when we are in the grips of any kind of strong emotion, we lose that connection to life sustaining breath. Our chest tightens and our breathing becomes shallow and quick. As a very young child, I got the message that any expression of emotions was totally unacceptable; and I was a very emotional child, quick to cry due to extreme sensitivity to both joy and pain. One of the first things I taught myself how to do was not to breathe. I practiced and practiced. If I remained completely motionless and controlled my breath down to the tiniest of movement, I found I could disconnect from myself and my surroundings and go off to another place somewhere outside of myself. It worked fabulously for me all my life. This dissociative skill became extremely well developed over the years and got me through many tough times where I felt the need to disconnect from my emotions, the toughest being my father’s funeral. I was really proud of my “strength.” I had been incredibly successful in developing this survival skill!

All that said, there has been an incredible price to pay for this skill. All those blocked emotions lie just beneath the surface waiting to be set free. How are they released from their containment? With a simple breath. A deep breath brings us back to our body and connects us with the emotions we are feeling at the moment. If we are someone who has, like me, worked hard to hide our emotions, then often that simple breath can bring on an avalanche of feelings and we can quickly become overwhelmed. How do we get through the overwhelm? Ironically, through another simple breath. Remaining connected to our bodies and breathing through what rises to the surface helps to process what is there and we are able to move through it and go forward.  Denying our body the release that the breath provides only prolongs the inevitability that we will be facing that same emotion later, often in a stronger form.

Conscious, connected breathing enhances any emotion, including  joy and peace. Want to create and experience more joy in our lives? We can think of a time that we felt joy or love and take a deep breath and feel the expansion as we desire to create more of that feeling in our everyday lives. We can bring more peaceful emotions into our experiences by simply breathing them into life…

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” How often have we heard that phrase? How often have we followed its advice?

I know for me, fear has had a strong level control over my entire life. While considering what to write, I was immediately brought to a memory from a childhood experience that many of us have had…learning how to ride a two-wheeled bike. I recalled how I felt when it was time to take the training wheels off my bike. I remember wanting so badly to ride around freely like the other kids, but I was afraid to take those training wheels off. I was terrified that I would fall off and didn’t want to go through the pain I just KNEW was coming! Well, finally the day came when my dad took off those training wheels and I was stuck with a two-wheeler.  There was no going back now. I was full of that nervous energy that eventually either sends us running or spurs us into action. As my dad ran behind me holding the bike, giving instructions, and eventually letting go, I’m sure I probably fell a few times before I got the hang of it, but I still did it. I didn’t let my fear stop me. Soon I was flying around the neighborhood with my friends.

There were so many other things I was afraid of as a child, but I felt the fear and did them anyway. Then I was able to feel the rush of success! What a feeling! I could be afraid of heights, but still climb up on the roof of our 3 story house when I was 7! What an exhilarating feeling as I sat there looking at the amazing view that completely surrounded me. Of course, I didn’t tell my mom about this till yeeeears later!

Fear can be an intense motivator. It puts us in that “fight or flight” state that our bodies instinctively created for our protection. One way or another, it moves us into action. Either we move through the fear or we choose to run to a self protective place of comfort. There’s nothing wrong with either choice. However, many of us begin to experience frustration when we realize that we are staying in that comfort zone more often than is in our best interests. We give up the excitement of new experiences in exchange for remaining in our comfy spot. Sooner or later, that comfy, fluffy lounge chair starts to get some lumps here and there and some indentations from us sitting there for so long.

We often hear the phrase that “FEAR = False Emotions Appearing Real” but I disagree with the “false” part. Emotions are VERY real and we feel them physically. They are there for a reason. It’s what we DO with them that makes the difference. Do we allow them to strengthen and take control so that we find it difficult to move forward? This comes under the “that which we resists, persists” category. Or do we allow ourselves to take a deep breath, acknowledge and accept what is there and move through it to the other side? Only we have that power of choice.

What fears are you ready to move through? Are you ready to experience what is on the other side? Take the training wheels off and see……

One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.

 

Like the winds of the sea
Are the waves of time,
As we journey along through life,
Tis the set of the soul,
That determines the goal,
And not the calm or the strife. 

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I grew up hearing the saying, “Most people will miss heaven by 12 inches–the distance between the head and the heart.” It implies that many have a head knowledge of God, but haven’t made the vital heart connection yet.

Taking that phrase and applying it to our daily lives moves us into a whole other realm of living. Knowledge is a wonderful thing, but it will only take us so far. We know many things about life and we sort and file that knowledge into all the little compartments in our brain. All that knowledge is stored and safely tucked away. We might pull it out here and there as needed, but basically it lies dormant and unused.

When we take some of that knowledge and allow it into our heart, we create a completely different connection. Suddenly, that knowledge begins to come alive and fill with an energy that was lacking before. It can create a momentum all its own. This momentum carries us into action. That emotionally charged thought now leads us down a particular path of action.

For example, we think, “I need to save money.” That’s a great thought! If we go no further with that thought, what are the possibilities that any money will be saved? Very likely, our bank account will continue to be the same month after month. It was a great thought, but there was nothing under it for support. Much like a seed tossed onto a rock, it has nowhere to go and no way to do what it was meant to do…grow. Now take that same thought and bring it down into your heart. How would saving money look/feel? What could we create? With this simple movement, we now have a stronger connection and we can feel the impact that saving money would have in our lives. This in turn creates a strong desire to save money and before we know it, our bank account is growing and expanding!

What are some thoughts filed away that need some action supporting them? Building a bridge between our head and heart will help to shrink that 12 inch gap that seems to keep our goals miles away. That bridge will help bring us closer to the peaceful lives we crave.